To Pass Time in Potions
by LollyAspen
Summary: It wouldn't be potions class without a little note passing.  Inspired by actual events.
1. Day 1

**A/N **It's things like this that happen when two high schoolers are bored in Chemistry class. I dedicate this to my wonderful friend Natasha who frequently has Harry Potter moments with me:) Note that the characterizations of Harry and Ron are based of Harry Potter Puppet Pals, a delightful series of YouTube videos which I suggest viewing. And now, on with the good stuff.

_Notes During Potions_

Harry, I'm sorry for telling people you spelled steal wrong.

-Ron

I do not accept your apology because I'm Harry Potter and therefore the best.

-Harry

Your name is Harry Potter and you're the king of the school. But Neville Longbottom owns!

-Neville

Sod off Neville.

-Harry

Don't be a cauldron bum Harry.

-Ron

You're stupid Ron.

-Harry

Harry, you're a bully.

-Hermione

Look there's a Nargle!

-Luna

Everyone loves Luna!

-Neville

I don't.

-Snape

No one likes you Snape.

-Harry

I do!

-Dumbledore

No you don't! You called him a coward!

-Harry

Well I love Snape.

-Draco

No one likes you either Malfoy!

-Harry

We love Draco!

-Crabbe and Goyle

You guys are weird. And you smell.

-Ron

Ur dad smells Weasley

-Crabbe

You taste like toenails!

-Ron

How on earth do you know that Ron?

-Hermione

Because you made me drink that bloody Polyjuice potion in 2nd year!

-Ron

U taste like chicken Weasely…

-Goyle

Don't even wanna know…

-Ron

Goyle why are you so brainless?  
>-Draco<p>

Ron would you stop passing notes, I'm trying to listen.

-Hermione

Who listens in Potions?

-Harry

Detention Potter!

-Snape

You were passing notes too!

-Harry

I'm Snape. I do what I want. Detention for you, Weasley, Granger, and Longbottom. And Lovegood since I don't understand why she's here.

-Snape

Unfair! What about Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle?

-Ron

I have secret Death Eater parties with their fathers. You don't send Death Eater sons to detention. Another detention for being stupid Weasley.

-Snape

See you got us in trouble.

-Hermione

Hermione, just go to the library or something.

-Harry and Ron

Review! I might add more, since we still have a few more weeks of dreadful Chemistry... :)


	2. Day 2

**We're having such fun with this in Chemistry:) **

Ron why are you so fat, what are you a WHALE?

-Harry

I am not fat! And just because I can speak whale doesn't mean that I am one!

-Ron

It clearly does Ron, don't tell me you're fat AND stupid?

-Harry

You're fat and obese Weasley.

-Snape

You not fat Ron, you're just chubbily cute.

-Hermione

You're the stupid one Harry, you made a 'D' on your potions essay! And Snape that's verbal assault, I can sue you! But thanks Hermione, I looooove you.

-Ron

Eww fatty and smartie love!

-Draco

Silence Mr. Malfoy, you're just jealous. Now it's not assault if you like it Weasley.

-Snape

It sounds like you're going to rape him. RUN RON!

-Neville

"He can't run, he's too fat!

-Harry

Ewwwwe- Eweeewww

-Crab and Goyle

You guys don't even know how to spell your names.

-Draco

Yes I do.

Grabe, ha I did it. IN YOUR FACE MALFOY!

-Crab

Crabbe, go stuff your face in a toilet.

-Harry

I already do that you stupid Harry!

-Crab

Goyle, can you please do something about this guy?

-Draco

What? I'm sorry I was in the bathroom.

-Goyle

No one cares about your needs buffoon!

-Ron

You're the baffalo Weasley!

-Crab

It's buffoon, you buffoon.

-Draco

I'm so gonna kick your butt in Quidditch Malfoy.

-Harry

In your fantasies Potter!

-Draco

You have fantasies Malfoy?

-Ron

I have fantasies with me as a fairy.

-Crab

Shut up Crabbe.

-Draco

Crabbe, no.

-Harry

Potter, yes.

-Crab

You're uglier than Snape's mother.

-Harry

Wow! That's pretty ugly…

-Ron

She wasn't ugly Potter, just very hairy. Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor for insulting my noble lineage.

-Snape

Unicorn turds.

-Harry.

**Props to you if you can tell me where the line "Unicorn turds," comes from. Review! :)**


	3. Day 3 and 4

**Two days worth of notes here. We really should be paying attention... nah. If you have any suggestions/topic starters let me know, I love them:)**

Ron, why don't you have an Adam's apple? Is it because your fat rolls cover it?

-Harry

I'm not fat and I don't have fat rolls! It's just cute baby chub.

-Ron

You keep telling yourself that Weasley…

-Draco

You're a fatty Malfoy!

-Ron

Ten points from Gryffindor for being fat Weasley.

-Snape

Not fair!

-Ron

Twenty points from Gryffindor for talking back to a teacher.

-Snape

Ah Severus, let them have their fun.

-Dumbledore

Silence you old man. I'm in charge now, remember your dead! Mwahahahahaha

-Snape

Coward!

-Harry

Shut up! Ten points from Gryffindor.

-Snape

Slytherin sucks! Slytherin sucks!

-Crab

That's your own house you idiot.

-Draco

No its not, I'm in Hufflepuff!

-Crab

No you're not!

-Draco

Oooh the snake stands for Slytherin doesn't it…

-Crab

Do you not know what an apostrophe is?

-Hermione

Whats an aposstropie?

-Crab

I'm surrounded by imbeciles.

-Hermione

Whats an embossile?

-Crab

See I'm not fat! Crabbe's fat and stupid!

-Ron

Ron, don't make me shove you back into that vortex.

-Harry

Noooooo! I hate it in there!

-Ron

You impure-blooded wizards are so incompetent!

-Draco

Well at least we're not bouncing ferrets!

-Ron

*casts a spell on Ron*

Ha no you're a squirrel Weasley. Who's a fat squirrel, you are!

-Draco

Malfoy, change him back. I really don't want to have to go gather this guy some acorns.

-Harry

What is this rumpus?

-Snape

We're having a magical emergency!

-Harry

Draco, why did your turn Weasley into a squirrel? I hate to do this, but ten points from Gryffindor.

-Snape

Unfair!

-Harry

This is totally fair, you're awesome Snape!

-Draco

Silence Draco!

-Snape

I'll tell my dad on you!

-Draco

Dranco, don't be a wimp.

-Mr. Malfoy

Dad, why are you in my potions class and not out terrorizing mudbloods and blood traitors?

-Draco

Because you left your special lunch box at home Dranco, you stupid boy. I'm superior, I can terrorize people while being in your potions class. *hits Ron on the back of the head*

-Mr. Malfoy

You can't ever remember my name!

-Draco

Yes I can. It's Dranco now be a good boy and kick Potter's big head for me.

-Mr. Malfoy

My head is not big!

-Harry

That's not what everyone else says…

-Mr. Malfoy

Mr. Malfoy, I regret saying this but, GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!

-Snape

NO YOU BIG BUFFOON! This is it, you're stupid and I'm leaving.

-Mr. Malfoy

I'm a buffalo too Mr. Malfoy!

-Crab

You're stupid Crabbe, go back in time and never be born.

-Hermione

Yay Hermione!

-Harry and Ron

Meh I hate you guys as well. Boys are stupid.

-Hermione

Hermione's turning into a bully.

-Ron

I'm not a bully! I just want to be loved. *Starts crying*

-Hermione

Oh don't cry Granger. I love you.

-Draco

That's very creepy…

-Cedric Diggory (from a dark corner)

Why are you back from the dead? And Hermione's mine you stupid Malfoy! MINE!

-Ron

I'm not anyone's property!

-Hermione

I am back from the dead because the dirt gets so dry and boring so I came up with Dumbledore.

-Cedric

Crap, I'm going to start having those nightmares again.

-Harry


	4. Day 5

**The lovely Day 5 installment of Notes During Potions:) Review, it makes me happy.**

Let's blow something up in potions today Ron!

-Harry

Okay! How about the night troll hanging out in that corner?

-Ron

Ron, that's Hermione…

-Harry

Ohhh. Sorry Hermione.

-Ron

You should be, my used-to-be friend!

-Hermione

But you love me!

-Ron

Don't kid yourself Weasley, she loves me.

-Draco

NO I DO NOT! Harry is my new best friend!

-Hermione

Personal space Hermione. Personal space.

-Harry

Potter, ten points to Gryffindor for insulting Miss Granger.

-Snape

Wow this has never, ever happened before! Best day ever!

-Harry

20 points from Gryffindor for gloating. You disgust me…

-Snape

Awwww.

-Harry

Ha yay!

-Draco

Ten points from Gryffindor for Draco acting like a conceited idiot.

-Snape

Snape, you are being completely biased and unjust.

-Hermione

Ten points from Gryffindor for badmouthing my methods.

-Snape

Hermione!

-Harry and Ron

I hate boys.

-Hermione

Right with you sista.

-Crab

You're a boy Crabbe.

-Draco

No, I'm not sure what I am. That's what Harry was nice enough to tell me so I wouldn't be confused.

-Crab

Potter, curse you for this.

-Draco

Not my fault he was confused.

-Harry

Yeah!

-Ron

Shut up Ron. It's my turn to be in the spotlight!

-Harry

You're always in the spotlight Harry.

-Ron

Oh I know, you just need to stay out of it.

-Harry

I'm in the spotlight.

-Crab

Go die Crabbe!

-Neville

Yeah you tell him Neville!

-Harry

Hey guys did you know they now have Harry Potter dolls?

-Goyle

That's right, I'm an icon.

-Harry

Hah I'm going to play, "Who wants to Kill Potter," when I get home. I need one of those dolls. Goyle, hand over yours.

-Draco

No! I bought this with my own money that I stole from first years!

-Goyle

Give it here Goyle, I'm superior to you.

-Draco

No!

-Goyle

Five points from Gryffindor for this disturbance.

-Snape

Ha I highlighted all my names because I'm better than everyone else!

-Draco

You're such a conceited wimp!

-Hermione

Then how come I can bench 5 lbs? Oh yeah, go Draco Malfoy!

-Draco

5 lbs! I can do three, which is more than five, haha!

-Crab

I can do 250 lbs. I rule.

-Harry

Conceit alert!

-Ron

Ha I don't have to be conceited, everyone knows I'm awesome.

-Harry

This is Crab. I'm awesome and better than Haree and Dranco. I bully first-years and I love Geny Weasley.

-Crab

My poor, poor sister. I have to hide her before he eats her face off!

-Ron

No, Ginny's mine!

-Harry

No Potter! I have boyish good looks.

-Crab

You just made out with Cho Chang five minutes ago Harry!

-Ron

So…

-Harry

Player alert!

-Hermione

I'm better looking.

-Draco

Shut up Dranco!

-Crab

You just crossed the line toebum!

-Draco

500 points from Gryffindor. Learn to play nicely.

-Snape

Oh I'll play nice alright.

-Harry

What does that even mean?

-Ron

It means you're a fatty!

-Harry

What? I neva!

-Ron

What's up with the southern accent Ron?

-Hermione

I just watched Gone with the Wind. Go Scarlet!

-Ron

Why would you watch stupid Muggles and their stupid movies.

-Draco

Don't be hatin!

-Ron

Why are you talking gangster now?

-Hermione

Straight up G. Ronaldo's back in the hizzhouse!

-Ronaldo (formerly Ron)

Wow Ron, wow. How do you have any friends?

-Ginny

Heeeeeey Ginnnnnnyyyyy.

-Harry 3

I'm still with Dean Harry. Just chill.

-Ginny

Okaaaaaaaay. Heeeeeey Choooooooooo.

-Harry

You make me cry! I hate you!

-Cho

But I thought we had something?

-Harry

Your pointless love life is not for my class Potter, 100 points from Gryffindor.

-Snape

We need to stop passing notes.

-Harry


	5. Day 6

**Sorry for the delay. My partner in note-writing is prone to injuring herself, so she was out for a few days. I did miss her:( But we are back! Hope everyone enjoys.**

Day 6

I'm going to be the dictator/god of EGYPT!

-Harry

Harry, they just had a revolution.

-Hermione

So? I can sneak in the border and take over!

-Harry

Yeah! Go dictatorship!

-Draco

And I'll tell them to hunt down and kill the Malfoy family. Mwahahahahahahaha!

-Harry

Oh really? I'll set my albino peacocks on them!

-Draco

Then we will have albino peacock for dinner.

-Harry

How dare you threaten to eat an endangered species for dinner Potter!

-Draco

Why, they taste so good.

-Crab

Crabbe, will you please shut up and get out of our conversations!

-Draco

But you love me Dranco.

-Crab

I do… not love Crabbe.

-Neville

Burned by Neville!

-Ron

Ten points from Gryffindor for excessive burning.

-Snape

Is Neville even in Gryffindor?

-Ginny

Duh he is. Why are you so dumb little sister?

-Ron

Say he that is 1/3 boy, 1/3 walrus, and 1/3 whale.

-Ginny

Hey I don't have those stupid tusks!

-Ron

Yeah that's why your only 1/3 walrus.

-Ginny

I hate your stupid logic.

-Ron

It hates you.

-Ginny

Yeah! I LOVE you Ginny!

-Harry

Still dating Dean Harry.

-Ginny

My boyish attitude will win you over!

-Harry

Have I told you I love you today Harry?

-Ginny

Yes I knew you would fall for me! And no you have not.

-Harry

Good. I wasn't going to.

-Ginny

REJECTED!

-Ron

Go away Ron.

-Harry


End file.
